... or The Princess Waitress

The Kiss of Deception - Mary E. Pearson

 

In this 'high fantasy' book an oh-so-special princess follows her own dream...of being a waitress?... in order to escape from marrying a smelly, old and ugly prince and from bringing peace to two kingdoms.


 

So Lia runs off to fulfill her dreams of being a waitress – because that’s so fulfilling. Much more than say, ensuring the peace between two kingdoms… And we get to read about her waitressing for half the book! Yay!



When an assassin and her fiancé track her down (I guess no one else could fucking find her because she’s so clever and runs off to the home town of her maidservant who ran away with her!), the super tough assassin doesn’t kill her because of REASONS, and her ugly, smelly and old fiancé (No wait, *gasp* turns out he isn’t really old, smelly and ugly! Who would have thought?) pretends he’s someone else because of REASONS...or because he wants to let her fulfill her dreams of being a waitress?

I don't fucking know.

I'm sorry, but this was just so fucking ridiculous.

 


Now I don’t know if it was intentional, or bad writing, or just my complete lack of interest in the book, but I didn’t know which love interest (because we haven't read about enough fucking love triangles yet) was which. In fact I kept thinking that one of the love interests was the assassin, until halfway through the book it was revealed that he was in fact the prince. It was so fucking annoying!

 

 


After having read the blurb, I expected a fantasy story about a princess choosing her own destiny and such. It's not. It's about a little girl throwing an anger tantrum and running away (to be a waitress). Let me fix that blurb so it doesn't confuse readers:

A princess must find her place in a reborn world.

As a waitress.

 

She flees on her wedding day.

From her smelly, old and ugly fiancé.

She steals ancient documents from the Chancellor's secret collection.

Because we can't - sadly - just have an entire book about a princess waitressing; it has to have some subplot.

She is pursued by bounty hunters sent by her own father.

Who aren't relevant to the story because they fucking suck at their job!

She is Princess Lia, seventeen, First Daughter of the House of Morrighan.

...Her age is part of her title?

The Kingdom of Morrighan is steeped in tradition and the stories of a bygone world, but some traditions Lia can't abide. Like having to marry someone she's never met to secure a political alliance.

Like a smelly, old and ugly prince.

Fed up and ready for a new life, Lia flees to a distant village on the morning of her wedding. She settles in among the common folk, intrigued when two mysterious and handsome strangers arrive—and unaware that one is the jilted prince and the other an assassin sent to kill her. Deceptions swirl and Lia finds herself on the brink of unlocking perilous secrets—secrets that may unravel her world—even as she feels herself falling in love.

To start a new and better life as a waitress without a smelly, old and ugly prince and not one, but two, mysterious and handsome love interests (neither of which are smelly, old or ugly!).