I was hesitant when I first went into this book because I don’t like the term 'friend-zone', but I still kept an open mind. Well, this book was bad. There is so much wrong with it, and it’s not just the horrible writing and all those spelling mistakes, I mean: the characters, the plot development, and just the plain boring story. It just drags on and on.
This book is about Nik and Tina, who are ‘just’ friends, but…do they want to be more than friends?
“Why not go out on a limb? Isn’t that where the fruit is?”
Holy Cannoli! She’s right… I want fruit!
But the question remains, can I have the fruit I desire?
And will the fruit treat me right.
There really isn’t much else to say, I have no fucking idea where the story goes, except that they eventually end up together, because of course they do. I DNF-ished it somewhere in the middle, because nothing was happening. It was so fucking painful to read and extremely boring, that I eventually just gave up.
As the title says, Nik and Tina are in the 'friend-zone', except no one, and I mean not even a deaf, dumb, and blind person, would ever, ever think, that either one of them didn’t want something more:
I slide my butt into the booth and Nik puts his arm around my waist, pulls me close to him and smiles “You don’t like when someone else sits next to me?”
She leans forward and tilts her head, places her lips on mine and kisses me. A sweet, soft kiss which lasts for approximately thirty seconds, not that I’m counting.
We walk along, my arm tight around his waist the other resting on his belly, his wrapped around my shoulders. It feels so right.
I don’t know why but I run over to him and jump into his arms. I wrap my legs high on his waist and hug him hard.
So all of that 'friend-zone' bullshit is fucking pointless already, instead of their relationship taking its natural course, at about 50% they are still in their fucking ‘friend-zone’. The first half of this book was so drawn out, repetitive and pointless; it was filled with unnecessary dialogue and exhausting repetitions. Instead of coming up with an interesting story and adding diversity, the exact same fucking things happen over and over again (like someone went a little crazy with the copy-paste button), and they are described the same fucking way every time even with the same grammatical mistakes repeated!
All the girls meet up at my apartment to get ready. […]
Lola’s hair is straightened and down and is wearing a tight red tube dress (is her hair really wearing a dress?) which is thigh high and black and red heels. Mimi’s hair is also straightened and she is wearing black wide-legged hipster slacks, a turquoise off the shoulder blouse, and black heels. Nat’s hair is lightly curled and she is rocking a black pencil skirt with a charcoal tank tucked into it, charcoal ankle boots, and a thick white belt high on her waist. My hair is parted at the side and in its natural state of wave; I’m wearing a tight black long sleeved dress which comes just above the knee and bright purple suede heels.
And again…the exact same:
The girls come to my apartment to get ready[…]
Mimi looks stunning in a Safira bought little black dress with black and white checkered heels (does the dress really have heels?); black makes her blue eyes pop. She wears her honey blonde hair straight. Lola looks beautiful in a dark green kaftan style dress that’s tighter around the top and flows around her feet with sandals. Her long brown hair is wildly curled. She goes with little makeup but with bright red lips. She looks like a sexy gipsy. Nat is just gorgeus in a gold halter dress that goes to her feet with a wicked split up the thigh; she wears gold sandals that strap up the calf. I’m dressed wearing yet another long sleeved black backless dress that comes mid-thigh. This one has silver beaded patterns through it.
And…one more time, because this isn’t repetitive at all.
It’s now Sunday night and we’re getting ready for the club.
Mimi is wearing black wide legged pants and a grey tank with black flats. Lola is wearing a demi mini skirt and a black long sleeved shirt with black heels. Nat is wearing white linen pants and a black tank with charcoal grey heels. They all look amazing.
The writing is just catastrophic. I mean there are so many typos in this book. Did someone even proofread it?
To me, it was the best kiss I’ve even had so it made mad as a hatter that she didn’t feel that way.
Then all of those grammatical and punctuation errors, just take a look at my quotes (no, those aren't my mistakes. emphasises are mine). And this book. Is written in. Very short. Sentences. With writing that feels like the diary entries of a ten year old.
Mom made three different types of Paella for everyone’s dinner. I love my mom’s cooking. She’s Mexican and cooks with a lot of spices. Everything she makes is tasty and usually has a bit of heat to it. It’s comfort food.
Redundant sentences and phrases:
Then it’s time to cut the cake. Tina brings out a mammoth of a cake. It’s really tall.
I hold up my hand extending my thumb and all my fingers.
Misuse of words:
I was too busy watching my little friend [Ceece, the girl in a wheelchair] stroll away
It’s written in the first person POV, shifting between the two main characters. The thing is, something happens while Tina is narrating, then the POV shifts to Nik, and the same fucking thing is repeated from his perspective! That’s not necessary!
And everything is fucking described to the closest, most unnecessary detail possible. Even the design of a room, that reads like something from a home decoration catalog.
The room we’ve just entered is enormous and open plan. The walls are a soft peach color. The ceiling is bright white and high up. There are down light all over the place. All the furniture is wooden, apart from the sofas. And there are three three-seater light brown, soft leather sofas placed in a semi-circle around a huge LCD TV which is mounted on the right hand wall. There is a large square coffee table in between those sofas; it looks mahogany. The left hand side of the room holds a large hand-carved dining room table and nice chairs, also mahogany.
Thank God I know that the furniture is mahogany, I could not have enjoyed the story otherwise!
The female main character Tina is one of the fucking most annoying characters I’ve had the misfortune of reading about for a while. In typical fashion, she doesn’t have any character flaws, just things that are meant to be ‘adorable’. Everything that happens is meant to show us how good a person Tina is. For example, Nik’s niece, Ceece, is in a wheelchair, she has an amazing supportive family, but apparently only special Tina can help Ceece. She was only made so that the reader sympathizes for her, and knows how good a person Tina is, because she is nice to her.
“Daddy?” This is slightly distorted and coming from the baby monitor. Max goes to stand but I put a hand on his arm and state, “Let me get it.” He looked amazed at my offer.
And the reader is constantly reminded that Ceece is in a wheelchair, it is so fucking overdone that it’s just plain ridiculous and unrealistic. I mean, there is a frigging picture of Ceece, of when she got paralyzed, almost died and was in the hospital, hanging on the wall of her home!
One of the photos at her end made my heart wrench. Max is holding an infant. The baby has tubes coming out of its tiny body at all ends. Max looks a mess, looking down at this baby with a fierce love.
[…] “Ceece after her first surgery. They only gave her a twenty percent chance. […]
And here is this picture to remind you of this every fucking day: Hey, remember that time you almost died and got paralyzed for life? Memories.
So, Tina has no real character flaws, unless you count her being fucking dumb, which is of course described as ‘Tina being a goofball’ and her being ‘adorable’ while actually she’s acting like a total idiot.
“Can you do ‘Poker Face’?”
A confused Tina speaks, “Wait, I thought it was ‘Poke Her Face’. I thought it was a sexual innuendo.”
Tina looks around the table and smiles big, “So, how do you play?”
Only Tina would come to a Poker night not knowing how to play Poker.
And she is a fucking horrible friend!
Nik spends an hour trying to teach me to play poker. It all sounds a bit like this “this card is the blah, you use it to blah and blah. Then you blah the blah-dee blah and that’s Poker!”
Let me tell you. It’s not simple.
I give up with a pout and coax the girls to play Uno with me at the dining table.
So, not only did she make everyone wait for her for an entire fucking hour, but after she realized that she’s too dumb, she makes her friends play Uno with her, even though they wanted to play poker!
The male mc Nik, well, going into the book I was expecting a funny and light (it isn’t) story, so I wasn’t expecting ANOTHER main male character with a deep, dark secret who is a stalking ‘antihero’! WHY? But the thing is he doesn’t even read as a ‘dark’ character, just as an asshole.
I think she’s still scared about seeing my gun. She’s adorable, I smile cruelly even though she can’t see it.
But the book keeps trying to tell me, that he really is a very deep, dark individual.
My dark knight in Versace armor.
And, of course, a story would just not be good without the whole ‘deep, dark and twisted’ past.
“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me, Tina. I’ll tell you all about ‘em one day, I promise. But not yet.”
At least there’s no…oh, wait…never mind.
“I had you investigated.”
[…]There are at least ten pages. […]
“I hope I haven’t overstepped a line here. I would hate for things to become awkward between us.” He clears his throat. “I like having you around.”
I beam on the inside and assure, “No, not at all. It probably would’ve been weird if I found out some other way but you came right out and told me.”
Fucking fantastic. And apparently, because Tina has nothing to hide from Nik, this is totally okay and not a horrible invasion of her privacy. So, remember, as long as you have nothing to hide, it is okay if someone hires an investigator to stalk you, find out everything there is to know about you, including your bank account statements, he just has to inform you of this himself.
The other characters are not executed well either; all of the girl friends are interchangeable, they are two-dimensional cardboard cutouts; they have no individual character traits and their entire purpose of living apparently is being Tina’s friend, since everything revolves around her. While the male friends have different character traits, background stories, problems etc..
The story execution in itself – no surprise – was horrible as well. The plot devices used are so absurd and far-fetched.
For example, in order to introduce Tina’s own deep, dark and twisted past, the author thought that the best way to do it, was through this so-over-fucking-dramatic-it’s-plain-ridiculous scene.
She sounds like she’s in pain. I want to go over and hold her but I want to hear her tell her story. She isn’t just singing the words. This is a gospel. She feels the words.[…]
My chest tightens with anger. Damn it, Tina’s been hurt. Badly.
Mimi discretely wipes a tear away from her cheek. Lola has her hands covering her mouth and her shoulders shake with silent sobs. […]
I remember years ago, Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love, I did…[…]
The song finishes and Tina lowers her head. Her shoulders shake and I know she’s crying. In a broken voice she says, “I hate him so fucking much.”
And this is at Nik’s house during their poker evening (which she already ruined for her friends) and now she’s downing the entire mood! I mean they are all having a fun evening, and she practically says: Hey, let’s play that really depressing song, that happens to reflect perfectly on my life, so that I get really sad, so that everyone will know that I’ve been deeply hurt before! Whatever.
Then halfway through the book one of the girl friends all of a sudden became bisexual. Which is fine in itself, but the execution felt like the author, out of the blue, decided that she needed more diversity, and instead of consistently writing a character from the beginning, she just halfway through her goddamned book changed one of the characters to fix it.
There is some racism and sexism and slut shaming thrown around as well. Not going to delve much further into those, suffice to say, that calling people 'Asian Alice' and 'African American Alice' (Alice because they are dressed up as Alice in Wonderland) is not okay, neither is having an Italian character be so stereotypically Italian that he can’t even speak Italian, or constantly telling the female mc that she can’t pay for her own lunch/spa treatments/the security system for her own fucking apartment.
She’s so damn cute. She actually thought she way buying lunch today.
Fuck this shit! I'm done.